Fly Free Be HAPPY
You chose to fly
I understand why
I know your feeling free
I’m glad you’re living your journey!
Can you visit sometime
I would like that very much
I’m scared I may not feel you
I will try to be open
I talk to you still
hoping for answers
Because I want to
I try to keep moving forward
Hoping for closure
Because you asked me too
Invite me to fly with you
After a long day here on earth
just to be near each other
If only in a human’s dream
How do we do this
Me stuck here
You flying free
Let’s help each other figure it out
Shugar 2017
I understand that death is a part of the circle of life, but it seems it is happening a lot right now. Whether you have just felt a loss of a loved one or whether an anniversary of a death is coming up, the loss is still, as painful as when it first happened!
I wanted to share here are a few things to consider that I have thought about long and hard, after the recent lo of my mom…
Death happens – It took me by surprise, and, I realized that the loss of my mom left a big hole in my life. The thing about loss in our lives is that we can get stuck in the tragedy, very quickly, and thus become stuck until we can find a way to deal with it in our own way. It never gets easier, for sure, but it does become a new reality of life and we learn to live with it in the best way that we can. Right or wrong btw.
It is OK to cry and feel emotions – for many years I was taught and therefore I used to think, that it was not ok to cry or express how I was really feeling. So, when my mom passed, I learned to just let it happen (thank you to those who allowed me to learn this in your presence). You can cry or do whatever it is, that will allow you to express feelings regarding your loss of a loved one. In my case, it was the loss of my mom with whom I literally built a lifetime together (yup lived together for almost 50 years), but I learned that I earned my right to grieve in the way I thought was right for me. You need to do the same. There is no right or wrong way by the way! Allow your emotions to flow and to help heal you, even if it means letting others see you grieve. To be honest it almost helps a little, because even though you may not like it, you can feel that there is support from your friends and family!
You will miss your loved one – It is unfair to think that after losing a loved one that you immediately get over it. You DON’T, and you WON’T. I personally thought if I tried hard to keep busy and not think about my mom being gone that I could move on, but I could not shake the feeling of emptiness and surrealness, I felt without her. It took me 4 weeks before I fell asleep without several glasses of wine, it took 8 weeks before I could even think about working or functioning again and I still struggle with it 6 months later every single day. But by allowing ourselves to grieve and miss a loved one, we are in a weird sense also allowing healing of sorts. You need to take the time to grieve while remembering that there is no right or wrong amount of time for this process. It does not get easier to get through the days, but you do learn how to move forward one minute, hour, day or week at a time! It’s a new reality life, one which you can and will build and add new memories to… if you allow yourself to do so. This does not mean forgetting or moving on, by the way, it just means adding new, to that of the past, to build a new reality!
There is no replacement for your lost loved one – This is a hard one to deal with! For me, my mom’s friends called and tried to talk to me as if they could help take her place. I was longing for that, I guess. but it did not work! We have to embrace the reality that no one can replace our loved ones and we can’t expect that nor search for that. But we can allow others to help fill the void by allowing ourselfs to be open and to feel again. Weird thought right…. here is the only way I can explain this one… Example…. if you lose a spouse, and if love happens to comes along again, what you build, will be with that person in a new unit of time and it should not be compared to the life that you shared with the spouse you lost. Another wards, do not try to replace, try to just embrace your new reality. After all, no one leaves this life telling us to never move on and in fact most will tell us to find a new happiness again without forgetting, in anyway possible.
You are never alone – When we lose a loved one, one might think that they are alone in the journey ahead. You are NOT alone. There are friends, family and so many people that truly want to see you move forward through your pain and they want to help you try to embrace your life again, though, it will be in a different light. While you should take the time to be alone, and to process and reflect on the life you shared with your loved one, remember that there are family members and friends that love you and are there for you, if and when you need them. USE THEM!!!
There will be tomorrows but… Learn that sometimes you will have to take one task or one hour at a time. You must get through today first. I always tell myself (still to this day btw) that I just want it to be bed time, so that I can just leave reality for a little while! But through much searching and talking with friends who have lost a loved one, I had to realize that in each day, there are opportunities for me to get stronger through my spirit. Learn to embrace the pain, laughter and sadness of the moment I say! Embrace it and let it move you, you will be better for it.
You CAN make it – In the beginning, you can just feel lost without your loved one. I know, my mom, was such a big part of my life – more than anyone knew actually. I was reminded of our 50 years together every time I would remember a conversation or a thought I had about or with my mom, around every corner in my house. I kept finding myself waiting/hoping that she would peek around the corner and talk to me. It took me selling my house to really realize that she wasn’t coming back and nothing I could do would change that. But at the same time I could at least take the memories on as they came with a smile and a happy moment or I could shed a tear, which is ok too. But here is REALITY…. It takes a while so don’t force it! There is no timeline to get over loss! Cherish the memories you create with loved ones as they will always be kept in a special place in our hearts. No one can take that away ever.
Ok, so I never close with a note or explanation, to my blogs, but today I will, which is a first. This blog is a very personal one for sure. Why am I sharing this now…? Because I still hurt, I still see my close friends hurt with their recent losses and I still cry for us all every day. But I wanted to share because I want you all to remember, that, not only am I here for you, I know that you are here for me as well and I hope…. No, I pray that with each passing day, that we all can remember that even though we share this “loss” that it is different for each of us. That we can be here to support each other through listening and through just holding space and that in itself is a beautiful gift that we are receiving through a tragic loss. So if there ever can be a silver lining to a tragic happening… that is just it. Love and support prevails always.
Peace out
